God Wants Us to be Happy
Due to some conversations I had recently I feel the need to write this. Through my past experiences, God has shown me that there is a difference between listening to Him and taking control of our own desires. I think subconsciously we want to trust God but we always have a seed of doubt because the desire for our dreams overwhelms us that we become desperate. We move forward thinking God put this path to our dream before us but when He shows us that we're wrong, we ignore Him. However the best thing about God is, He never gives up on us and that is why I'm going to quickly tell you my story to illustrate this point.
2008 I reconnected with someone through facebook that I hadn't talked to in years. He expressed interest in me and we started dating. The first time I met with him again we had so much fun and the second time I promised to go visit him in his hometown. The first time I went to his home, I met his parents and I thought, "Wow. I belong here." We had the same favorite Chinese food how could I go wrong? Unfortunately the first red flag was when I got us into a minor car accident and he saw me fight with my family. Well instead of respecting my wishes, my family member drove him back to his place. He said to me "If you don't stay the night, we're done." I almost started crying but I said nothing and ended up staying overnight at his parents' again missing work the next day. From that moment, I didn't want to let him go. I rented a van to replace the rental I crashed, to head back to Lancaster. I called him to ask directions and he jumped down my throat so I tried to figure it out myself. He moved in with me about 3 months into our relationship. At first we were happy to be living together but things went downhill from there. He didn't get along with the housemates, paid more attention to the video games, and just fought with me more than half the time. I had agreed to move to his hometown to make him happy. Needless to say, that didn't work either. Another word of the wise, when you become engaged to end an argument, not a great beginning. Anyway 2012 we were married and I endured much emotional abuse. I argued with him to spend time with me, to help clean the apartment, to go to the doctor, etc. He began disappearing for long periods of time without contact with me. Each time he seemed to get himself together, he promised things would be different. Through his disappearances I would get mad at God and ask Him why He was taking him away from me and begged for Him to return my husband to me. I heard God say that I was better without Him but I was scared. I wanted a companion so bad and why would God give me someone just to take them away? I was so close to having my family and now I was almost at square one again. Needless to say after a year and a half of marriage I found out he was cheating on me and I kicked him out. That week I found out, my car was repossessed because I missed a car payment so he had to drive me to work that Tuesday morning. I asked him to come in the bedroom with me that last night and he said he would. I fell asleep waiting and woke up to no husband and no way to work. My cell phone was gone and I checked his email to find he was cheating. A friend took me to work.
God meant for that to happen. All those times we fought and he disappeared for days on end, I wasn't ready to let go. God saw that so He brought him back to me but that week, God knew I was ready to let go. I had enough punishment. After I kicked him out, I mourned but made sure I reclaimed myself. I lost weight but fell into my same trap of desperation to find someone that was worthy of me. The funny thing is, during my first and only rebellious phase, I met someone I didn't expect through a friend of mine. He, too, was separated and we talked. I heard God say to me, "This is him. This is the love of your life. You will heal and balance each other." Now mind you, I heard this as I was talking to him. I thought to myself, "Nah, he's aight. He's aight. Not now." Funny thing is as I got to know this man, I became more attracted to him. He made me laugh. Now we're together and although I gained my weight back, he loves me as I am. Now I try to guide others and allow them to see that God hears our dreams. He places them on our heart, not to torture us but as a test. We need to keep faith that He knows what He's doing. He's God. He knows best. He's our Father. Father knows best, right? It takes belief to hear God but it takes unfailing faith to listen and to let Him carry us to the right path. I found out that my ex has found someone else as well and despite our past, I'm glad he's doing well. It was a lesson learned and one that I can share with others. God loves us and He never lets us down. That is the trust we must have in Him. I finally listened on the first try and I couldn't be happier.
2008 I reconnected with someone through facebook that I hadn't talked to in years. He expressed interest in me and we started dating. The first time I met with him again we had so much fun and the second time I promised to go visit him in his hometown. The first time I went to his home, I met his parents and I thought, "Wow. I belong here." We had the same favorite Chinese food how could I go wrong? Unfortunately the first red flag was when I got us into a minor car accident and he saw me fight with my family. Well instead of respecting my wishes, my family member drove him back to his place. He said to me "If you don't stay the night, we're done." I almost started crying but I said nothing and ended up staying overnight at his parents' again missing work the next day. From that moment, I didn't want to let him go. I rented a van to replace the rental I crashed, to head back to Lancaster. I called him to ask directions and he jumped down my throat so I tried to figure it out myself. He moved in with me about 3 months into our relationship. At first we were happy to be living together but things went downhill from there. He didn't get along with the housemates, paid more attention to the video games, and just fought with me more than half the time. I had agreed to move to his hometown to make him happy. Needless to say, that didn't work either. Another word of the wise, when you become engaged to end an argument, not a great beginning. Anyway 2012 we were married and I endured much emotional abuse. I argued with him to spend time with me, to help clean the apartment, to go to the doctor, etc. He began disappearing for long periods of time without contact with me. Each time he seemed to get himself together, he promised things would be different. Through his disappearances I would get mad at God and ask Him why He was taking him away from me and begged for Him to return my husband to me. I heard God say that I was better without Him but I was scared. I wanted a companion so bad and why would God give me someone just to take them away? I was so close to having my family and now I was almost at square one again. Needless to say after a year and a half of marriage I found out he was cheating on me and I kicked him out. That week I found out, my car was repossessed because I missed a car payment so he had to drive me to work that Tuesday morning. I asked him to come in the bedroom with me that last night and he said he would. I fell asleep waiting and woke up to no husband and no way to work. My cell phone was gone and I checked his email to find he was cheating. A friend took me to work.
God meant for that to happen. All those times we fought and he disappeared for days on end, I wasn't ready to let go. God saw that so He brought him back to me but that week, God knew I was ready to let go. I had enough punishment. After I kicked him out, I mourned but made sure I reclaimed myself. I lost weight but fell into my same trap of desperation to find someone that was worthy of me. The funny thing is, during my first and only rebellious phase, I met someone I didn't expect through a friend of mine. He, too, was separated and we talked. I heard God say to me, "This is him. This is the love of your life. You will heal and balance each other." Now mind you, I heard this as I was talking to him. I thought to myself, "Nah, he's aight. He's aight. Not now." Funny thing is as I got to know this man, I became more attracted to him. He made me laugh. Now we're together and although I gained my weight back, he loves me as I am. Now I try to guide others and allow them to see that God hears our dreams. He places them on our heart, not to torture us but as a test. We need to keep faith that He knows what He's doing. He's God. He knows best. He's our Father. Father knows best, right? It takes belief to hear God but it takes unfailing faith to listen and to let Him carry us to the right path. I found out that my ex has found someone else as well and despite our past, I'm glad he's doing well. It was a lesson learned and one that I can share with others. God loves us and He never lets us down. That is the trust we must have in Him. I finally listened on the first try and I couldn't be happier.
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