Movie Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Starring: Megan Fox, Will Arnett, Whoopi Goldberg
Release Date: August 8, 2014
Where do I begin? Ah yes, at the most obvious fact. THIS IS NOT TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES! I am a huge fan of the '80s/'90s cartoon franchise and once again, Hollywood has taken an awesome franchise and screwed it up. I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, IF you are going to touch classic franchises like Ninja Turtles, STICK TO THE STORY! I am simply appalled by this version. In fact, I couldn't even finish the stupid thing. First of all Megan Fox is not believable as the go-getter reporter April O'Neil. Instead she comes across as an amature reporter fresh out of high school. She's ditzy and far from the April O'Neil we know from the original series and original films. The character of April O'Neil is a fearless reporter who always gets her story not this amature "miss my daddy" reporter who waits in the wings, getting herself fired for such crazy stories. Second, the turtles sound like humans. Allow me to explain. They sound like actors delivering lines than their fun animated selves. The look of the turtles is worse. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are meant to have a less realistic, animated look as they did in the original movie trilogy. Those turtles were fun, funny, smart and embodied the personalities of the turtles as we knew them. Hollywood, this is a kid friendly franchise. You don't have to appeal to the adults because the adults of this age do not recognize these turtles. This also goes the same for Splinter. Splinter looks like a human that turned into a rat. If these people knew anything about these characters, they would learn that Splinter is a peaceful being who only uses force when necessary. He's mere presence would surprise his sons and stir fear in them because they do not wish to displease their master. The way Splinter disciplined them was not to my liking. The original films captured Splinter perfectly. He has the appearance of being fragile but is quite strong especially mentally which is an important quality in a ninja.
Now for the big stinker which ruined the entire movie for me, the original story. As true fans will recall, Splinter came upon the turtles in an open can of radiated ooze which is responsible for their mutations and powers. In this version the turtles were April's pets who were experiments in Mr. Sachs and her father's lab. That did it for me. Furthermore, the foot clan have guns. What? I've had enough. A man can be a genius in one area and a complete idiot in another. Congratulations TMNT crew, your vision for this franchise is a joke and to think there's to be a second one. Really? Stick to the story but don't feel bad. Apparently Jem and the Holograms is another joke at attempting to bring the fans what they want.
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